Frequently I am asked questions about unveiling ceremonies. Here are answers to some common questions:

• Is there a Jewish requirement to have a headstone?

  It is customary for Jews to place a monument at one's grave. This practice is first mentioned in the Torah when Jacob places a monument at the grave of his wife, Rachel. The Mishnah, in tractate Shekalim, confirms the need for a grave monument.

• Do we need a formal unveiling ceremony?

  It is customary, upon placing the grave monument, to recite psalms, some words about the deceased, and the memorial prayer called el maleh rachamim.

• Is a minyan required?

  No, there is no minimum number of people required for an unveiling ceremony. However, if a minyan is present, then it would be appropriate to include the mourners' kaddish.

• When should the unveiling ceremony take place?

  Most people hold the unveiling during the first eleven months after the death. Some schedule the unveiling on, or close to, the first yahrzeit (anniversary of the death). Both methods are acceptable.

• Am I required to have the Rabbi and/or the Cantor officiate?

  Although most families do ask the clergy to officiate, there is no requirement to do so. If necessary, we can assist you with texts and materials if you would like to run your own unveiling service.

• How do I arrange the date and time for the unveiling?

  The first obvious task is to arrange for the gravestone. This is normally done through the funeral chapel. If using the clergy, please call the Rabbi and/or Cantor to arrange a date and time before sending notification to family and friends. Finally contact the cemetery to put the ceremony on their schedule.

• Why is a cover placed over the headstone?

  This is so that when the cover is removed it is as if the stone is being placed for the first time, and therefore appropriate to recite the psalms and prayers reserved for this occasion.

• Why do people place pebbles on the headstone at the end of the unveiling service?

  This custom enables each visitor to leave a personal memorial to the deceased. Also, the creation of a pile of stones reminds us of the biblical form of grave marker.

• What do I need to bring to the unveiling?

  A bag of kippot for those attending, something to cover the stone (in case it's not already covered), and if you desire, a bag of pebbles for individuals to place on the gravestone.

• Is it customary to follow an unveiling with a meal?

  No, a meal is not required. This is not the same as a funeral, after which the mourners are required to partake in a meal at the Shiva home. If the unveiling is to be followed by a meal, remember that eating and/or drinking at the cemetery is not appropriate.