The Meaning of Success
One of the most frustrating experiences in
life is when one's hard work ends in failure. After cooking a lavish meal, the
pot overturns on the way from the stove to the table, and the food ends up on
the floor. OUCH! A child spends weeks building a model airplane, only to see
the plane broken in one slip of the hand. A salesperson devotes many hours to court
a new customer, only to see the deal fall through. All that hard work with
nothing to show for it!
We came close to having such an experience in
our family recently. My son, Jonathan, was in a school play. After two months
of memorizing lines and after-school rehearsals, he became ill just days before
the scheduled performances. Thank God, he made it, in the end. We had been
anticipating the utter despair of his not being able to participate in the show
after putting in all the preparation.
But, even though it would have been sad, it
would not have been a waste of Jonathan's time. While it's nice to publicly
display the result of one's efforts up on the stage, we too often forget that
success can be measured in a much different way. Show, or no show, we were
rightfully proud of Jonathan for the effort that he had made, and what he had
achieved through his two months of hard work. He will be a better person for
it.
There is a difference between failure and
disappointment. The cook, the salesperson, the builder of the model
airplane--all of them improved their skills and will do better in the future.
Around the same time as Jonathan's play, I
heard the story of a high school sports team that practiced hard, but had very
few games scheduled. The team members justifiably felt a little cheated that
their hours of preparation were a bit wasted. We can understand their
frustration. But, again, we know better. Hopefully, in time, these teenagers
will come to appreciate the other benefits of the hard work and camaraderie
they experienced.
Those who work out just to stay physically
fit, or those who run in marathons just to finish, not to win,
can appreciate this message. This idea is best expressed at the end of the
fifth chapter of Pirke Avot,
where Ben Ha Ha (yes--that's his name) says: l'fum tza'ara
In every Broadway show there are
understudies, who attend every rehearsal, and learn every line, but whose faces
will likely go unrecognized by the audience. On every championship team there
are 2nd string athletes, the backup players, whose job
is attend practice and push the "first team" to play at the top of
their game.
In the Babylonian Talmud Shabbat 31a, Rava states questions that we will be asked (by God) at the
conclusion of our lives, including: Did you conduct business honestly, did you
have a regular time for learning, did you engage in the rearing of children?
These questions are worthwhile for all of us to ask ourselves as a means of
measuring our priorities. In each case, they represent activities which require
constant effort, day after day.
A truly successful businessman or
businesswoman is not the one who strikes it rich, but the one who conducts
honest business affairs day in and day out. Some of us will become well known
scholars, most of us won't, but all of us should dedicate a fixed portion of
our day to learning, for its own sake. Those of us who raise children know well
that it is a job which requires daily attention, and whose success is again
defined in the time and effort one puts forth, not in how famous the child
becomes.
Our goal should be to live Jewishly every day, not just once
a week, and certainly not just once a year. Be proud of your efforts to live
each day in accordance with God's commandments. Then whatever else might happen
in your life, you will always be a success.