Poet Alexander Pope, in his 1709 essay on Criticism coined the popular phrase: To err is human, to forgive, divine. We have returned to the time of year when both erring and forgiveness are very much on our minds. And we can acknowledge that indeed, as hard as it is to face those we have wronged and utter the words, I'm sorry, it is often even more difficult to say to one who has caused us pain, I forgive you.

But that is nonetheless our task, and our challenge, in the weeks ahead, and truly during the entire year. In his instruction on the Laws of Repentence, the Rambam (12th century) reminds us that it is forbidden for a person to be so cruel as to be unforgiving when a fellow human being approaches asking forgiveness.

Yet, far too many of our human relationships have come to an end because one person refuses to allow his friend or relative another chance; when one refuses to accept the human frailty that leads us to err in our ways; when one refuses to set aside the pain of insult or neglect and not keep open the door for reconciliation. And far too many repentant souls are waiting for that second chance.

Ernest Hemingway, in his short story, The Capital of the World, tells about a father and his teenage son who live in Spain. Their relationship became strained, eventually shattered, and the son ran away from home. The father begins a long journey in search of the lost and rebellious son, finally putting an ad in the Madrid newspaper as a last resort. The son's name is Paco, a very common name in Spain. The ad reads: Dear Paco, meet me in front of the Madrid newspaper office tomorrow at noon. All is forgiven. I love you. As Hemingway writes, the next day at noon in front of the newpaper office there were 800 Pacos waiting to be forgiven.

But surely there are times when forgiveness is just out of the question. Rabbi Harold Kushner isn't so sure about this. Rabbi Kushner urges us to forgive even the most evil, not in order to help them, but in order to help ourselves. Rabbi Kushner writes:

"A woman in my congregation comes to see me. She is a single mother, divorced, working to support herself and three young children. She says to me, 'Since my husband walked out on us, every month is a struggle to pay our bills. I have to tell my kids we have no money to go to the movies, while he's living it up with his new wife in another state. How can you tell me to forgive him?’ I answer her, ‘I'm not asking you to forgive him because what he did was acceptable. It wasn't; it was mean and selfish, I'm asking you to forgive because he doesn't deserve the power to live in your head and turn you into a bitter, angry woman. I'd like to see him out of your life emotionally as completely as he is out of it physically, but you keep holding on to him. You're not hurting him by holding on to that resentment, but you're hurting yourself."