Auf-ruf is a Yiddish term, taken from German, which means "to be called up." Auf-ruf is, generally, an Ashkenazi or European custom in which a groom is called up to the Torah during a worship service when the Torah scroll is being read as an honor before the wedding. If that Sabbath proves especially inconvenient, it may be held on a weekday within the week of the wedding on the Monday, Thursday or different day, if the Torah is read. After the Torah reading, and the groom's concluding blessing, the congregation supplements their singing of Siman Tov U’mazal Tov by throwing candy at the groom. While candy seems to be the projectile of choice these days, I have yet to find any source that mentions candy, specifically. The Sefer Ta'amei HaMinhagim mentions that three things are thrown: nuts, almonds, and raisins. A MiSheBerakh is than recited in which members of the congregation ask for God's blessings for the bride and groom on their forthcoming marriage and a life together as husband and wife.

In the Sefardi tradition, on the Sabbath following the wedding, the couple comes to the synagogue for Shabbat Chatan (the Sabbath of the groom). The families and community have an opportunity to wish the bride and groom well with the recitation of a MiSheBerakh blessing and the saying of Sheva Brachot at the Kiddush following services. It is customary for the family of the groom to invite the congregation to a festive kiddush after these services giving the entire community, even those not invited to the wedding, the ability to participate in the festivity by attending the special Kiddush in honor of the groom.

Such is the case for our family. As most of you know, our eldest daughter, Doron will be married to Daniel Joseph Vergun, God willing, in June. We wish we could invite each and every one of our extended B’nai Moshe family to the wedding, but it is just not possible. However, following this ancient tradition as explained above, we hope you will all attend Daniel’s Aufruf sponsored by the Vergun family on Shabbat, June 12th and stay for the Kiddush following in his honor.

It is common for the bride to not attend the Auf-ruf, which is traditionally only meant for the groom, because of the custom that the bride and groom refrain from seeing each other for a week prior to the wedding. Doron will be observing this practice and not be in shul for the Auf-ruf. The custom is for the bride to remain at home surrounded by her girlfriends, instead, in a celebration known as Shabbat Kallah. The idea of the Shabbat Kallah isn't just an old-fashioned gesture to increase a bride's happiness; it's a brilliant psychological ploy. Since emotions and anxiety can run so high the day or two before a wedding, the Shabbat Kallah distracts the bride from last-minute jitters.

The purpose of the synagogue appearance by the groom is to publicly announce the forth-coming nuptials. This custom probably originated from legal requirements in medieval France and Germany when community leaders were responsible for ascertaining that there were no impediments to the validity of the marriage before permission could be granted to the couple to hold the wedding. The most effective way of accomplishing this was the synagogue announcement. In Israel, today, “bands” are posted and an announcement is placed in newspapers a month before the wedding to ascertain the legality of the couple’s intended marriage.

Another and more obvious purpose for the Auf-ruf is to associate the wedding with the Torah. When the celebration is begun with a call to the Torah, the mood is set for sanctity and sobriety. Some say that the Auf-ruf ceremony evolved from an ancient practice in the Holy Temple in Jerusalem. According to the Talmud, King Solomon built two special gates: one for grooms, the other for mourners. The public sat between the two. When mourners came, they spoke words of consolation. When grooms entered, they greeted them with the blessing: Ha-shokhen babayit ha-zeh ye'samechakha be'vanim u'vanot — "May He whose Presence dwells in this house rejoice you with sons and daughters."

As already noted, the celebration at the synagogue on Saturday morning characteristically included the “bevarfen,” the throwing of nuts and raisins. The Talmud records that at a wedding, the guests passed wine by the couple and then threw wheat, grain, and nuts at both bride and groom. The Maharil, a fourteenth century rabbi, records that the groom was brought to greet the bride at the synagogue court-yard door before the wedding began. The groom took her hand, and all assembled threw wheat grains at them and said three times, pe'ru u-re'vu,—"be fruitful and multiply!" This is probably where the throwing of rice comes from. One author cites a homiletic reason for throwing the nuts, almonds and raisins. The Hebrew word for nut is egoz. The gematria (numerical value) of those letters is seventeen, which is also the value for “chet” (sin) as well as for “tov” (good). A marriage can be very good or very bad, depending on how married life is conducted. Nuts can be either sweet or very bitter, wine can be sweet or bitter and used for purposes of intoxication or for sanctification. Therefore, marriage can be sweet or bitter lived with drunken abandon or it can be gloriously sanctified in its beauty. On behalf of my family, may I pray that God grants Doron and Daniel - nuts that are sweet; a life together where the good far outweighs the bad and the sweetness is greater the few times of bitterness; in a home filled with rejoicing; while sanctifying God in all that they do. Oh, and I almost forgot they should “be fruitful and multiply.”