It is a couple days after the end of 2009. I like to watch the TV news shows around this time with the pundits who select and review the Biggest News Events of the past year. Well, I’ve been paying close attention and have my own picks for the top stories of 2009 - but from a slightly cockeyed Jewish point of view. O.K. So it’s more than “slightly. Here we go:

1. Hearing from a reliable source about impending climate change, one man works to save his family and his way of life. Unfortunately, his actions do not alert the global community and it becomes too late for the rest of humanity when the change actually comes. It’s Al Gore, of course? Wrong. Noah. (Do you suppose that the ark was a hybrid?)

2. With the aid of outside intervention, a woman becomes pregnant against the odds. It is going to make her world famous, but not without its share of problems. No, it’s not the “octo-mom.” It’s Sarah, Abraham’s wife, the “mono-mom.”

3. A child is suddenly carried away. His parents are distraught until all of a sudden he turns up alive and in good health. The famous Colorado “Balloon Boy?” Nope. Joseph the Hebrew, a.k.a.. the “Caravan Boy.”

4. Entrusted with the stock of a man of great wealth, this one enriches himself at the expense of his client. Bernie Madoff’s Ponzi scheme? Wrong. It is Jacob taking off with Laban’s goats.

5. Not on the guest list. Gets into the party anyway. Is discovered – and the ending is not happy. Could this be Michaele and Tareq Salahi at the White House state dinner? Guess again. It’s Queen Vashti, whom we’ll all hear more about the night of February 27.

6. Finally, there’s this golfer whose wife picks up a club and . . . Sorry. This is one story that I just can’t seem to find in the Torah. But, even if I could, please remember - this is a family publication!

And now, what are the predictions of the top stories for 2010? I am not saying, but if you want the inside scoop, then come join us in shul. We read about them just about every Shabbat.